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This page: One Wife's Take On Marriage, Masturbation, And Stimming

 

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MEN: Coping with a sexually inactive partner

Considering the fact that masturbation within marriage, let alone stimming, is a topic that gets swept under the rug among far too many couples, we find that this woman's email offers a rather refreshing viewpoint.

In accordance with our policy on published emails, this woman's account is submitted with permission. Her name has been withheld by request.

Dear Anna and Braxton,

I'm writing to say how much we enjoy your products! I hope you don't think this email to be a rant. It's just that I feel that life is too short for anybody to be unhappy within their marriage. Could it be that their frustration would go away with a change of attitude?

Who came up with the science fiction that husband and wife should always mesh where the need for sex is concerned?

First off, for a few days every month, we women have a natural obstacle to intercourse, otherwise known as our period. It's not just the flow that gets in the way. It's also my feelings toward sex in general while I'm menstruating.

Then there's the whole frequency thing. Making appointments to have sex kills the fun for me. I do much better when sex is not marked on the calendar. We both work, so a hot week for us is getting it on a couple of times. The truth is that our norm is more like once every ten days or so.

Every relationship has its unique strengths. One of ours has always been our open discussion of our sex life. How open? We're OK with the fact that we both masturbate in private. I do it about once a week. For him, he says he does it every day or two. We both agree that even if we could manage to have more frequent intercourse, we would still need solo sex. It's an experience we don't want to give up.

Too many couples out there think they own each other's sexuality. I'm all for that with our mutual sex, but my husband and I feel that a healthy relationship accommodates masturbation too. Once, I had a friend to tell me that catching her husband masturbating would hurt almost as much as catching him with another woman. To compare solo sex to marital infidelity is a way of thinking I just can't understand!

Is my man's frequent masturbation an indication of sexual frustration? He admits he would like more intercourse, but he also acknowledges that we both have full schedules too. Good intercourse happens when we both want it. When I give him the sign that I'm hot for him, let there be no doubt it will be a night to remember! I've never seen the point of sex without passion. Yes, just like other couples, there have been times when I was too tired, but instead of saying no, I would just lay there like broccoli, spreading my legs. I realize that's the best that intercourse gets for a lot of couples, but when I'm lying half-asleep under him, is it really intercourse, or just another variety of male masturbation?

Without guilty feelings, masturbation is a great way to stay adjusted with the day-to-day differences in our sexual needs. At the risk of sounding like an under-sexed wife, men often want more sex than their mates. They should be able to play the masturbation card whenever they feel the need. I think it's wrong to make a person feel guilty when they need this harmless sexual release! To frown on this release is only asking for real relationship trouble down the road!

A little over a year ago, when I read about this new thing called stimming, I was curious to explore it. After all, we're fond of our solo sex. Having a few tricks up our sleeve for foreplay and intercourse would be a nice option too. After reading the Woman's Guide, I've become more and more comfortable with the new act of e-stim milking. He will always have milking as a solo option, but doing it together is nice too!

Now that we've been stimming a while, the biggest surprise has been the way we've opened up even more with each other. Yes, there will always be a time and place for the private act of stimming, but now we occasionally stim together too. Every time we do that, I feel like we're living in the future. I Imagine having my own sex robot, perfectly happy to spend hours making my orgasm happen, while I do nothing but lay back and enjoy. It's wonderful to end the day together like this!

My girlfriends are still recovering from my liberated attitude toward my husband's solo sex. They're not saying, but it's my guess that these girls think that's a "no-no" in their homes. It's sad that it has to be that way. Sometime when one of them comes over, I'm going to get out our stim equipment and really throw them for a loop. Don't worry! I'll make sure to have some smelling salts nearby!

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